Is Scientific Thought in Danger?

This morning I read a fascinating opinion article posted on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company, Canada's national news network) online called "How 'common sense' came to mean its opposite under Donald Trump" by Kate Heartfield. Here is a quote from the outset that encapsulates the popular, and worrisome, turn against scientific thought in North America and elsewhere:

Donald Trump's victory was the most dramatic demonstration yet that liars can win elections. All he had to do was demonize reason and fact as the province of hated "elites."

To a scientist, facts aren't taken lightly. It takes months, even years, of hard work gathering data and then running it through statistical analysis to make sure it offers a solid conclusion to a question posed in the form of an hypothesis. To get to a fact that describes a process, event or object requires a formal process of investigation that adheres to the scientific method and which is open to scrutiny, repetition, verification or refutation by one's peers. This standard ensures that fact is separated from guesswork, fiction, emotion and opinion. It is very important because scientific knowledge can only be built upon a solid foundation of factual knowledge and a strong theoretical base. Put in everyday language we in the sciences know that the facts we labour to gather are building blocks that can be used to invent new tools, approaches and methods that benefit all of humanity. Think of the many scientific facts you need to know in order to build a steam engine for example.

You might think the importance of facts is limited to the sciences but the utility of fact-checking goes far beyond. This past American election gave many people reason to distrust facts because statements passed off as facts were thrown about everywhere. Raw unexamined conclusions were drawn about people, their actions and their ideas so often that it was difficult to tell the difference between empty catch phrases and facts. Over several months of being saturated with out-and-out lies (tossed about even during televised debates!), you get used to the lying and it becomes normalized. You no longer gasp in horror. You think instead, well, that's Trump again. However, the war against facts wasn't intitiated by Donald Trump (our late Toronto mayor Rob Ford had the lie down to an art) and it didn't start with this election (think of the tobacco lobby hyping its own "studies" while suppressing unbiased independent research decades ago). It's ironic that this war against facts began in our current post-industrial era, where knowledge and expertise overtook physical labour as the most valuable asset of a society. The last 18 months in the U.S. saw the culture of lying come to its ugly head. The standard of telling the truth is gone and a number of economists, lawyers and constitutional experts are trying to figure out what repercussions will befall the U.S. as president-elect Donald Trump attempts to make real his shaky electoral platform built upon lies.

In her thoughtful article, Kate suggests that Trump's outrageous lies were effective at least in part because of a psychological phenomenon called the Dunning-Kruger effect. Quoting directly from her article, "People who know a very little about a subject - whether it's the stock market, the rules of grammar or a political policy - are more confident in their expertise than people who know a lot. 'The problem isn't that voters are too uninformed. It is that they don't know just how uninformed they are,' writes Dunning.

The cure for Dunning-Kruger is, paradoxically, more knowledge. But you can't convince someone to read a fact-check or an explainer with an open mind if they already think they know it all, and especially not if the person they trust is telling them everyone else is conspiring to trick them."

This describes a perfectly vicious circle. There seems to be nothing that even the most eloquent journalist could write at this point that could stop the war against facts. So many people have thrown up their arms and can no longer be reached. As she mentions, the popularity of trusting one's gut feelings over evidence and the widespread use of talking points play into our growing willingness to accept information point-blank, especially when it comes from someone we think of as familiar, famous or in a superior position of power. Trump, being familiar, rich and famous, seems to get away with conjuring up his own set of "facts."

I mentioned before that I believe democracy is North America's most precious core value. But when the majority of citizens accept what candidates and leaders say uncritically, what happens to democracy? People unknowingly throw away their chance to voice an informed opinion, one that reflects their OWN best interest not the candidate's, when they buy into emotionally charged fact-starved campaign rhetoric.

Trump essentially fashioned himself into a snake oil salesman, and he sold many snake oils: a budget that adds up, an "amazing" Mexican wall paid for and built by Mexicans, a thousand new coal mining jobs, a "great" new healthcare system, and the list goes on. Snake oils are appealing because they appear to be simple easy solutions to difficult problems. They are dangerous because they are, by their nature, too simplistic (do you wonder if Putin is going to take advantage of Trump's naivety, or if China will use the U.S.'s new protectionist stance to emerge as the world's new global trade leader? Will Trump influence negotiations between Germany's Deutsche Bank and U.S. federal regulators while his business owes that bank several hundred million dollars? What are the long-term and probably unintended consequences of a Trump presidency? To be able to foresee some of the problems, one has to dig into complex matters of constitutional and conflict of interest law, international and homeland economic policy and matters of national security, subjects that when explored in detail in journalistic articles are guaranteed to have far fewer readers than troll news articles armed with catchy emotionally triggering headlines, scandalous-looking photos and dumbed down downright false content. I feel so badly for those hard-working accredited journalists out there facing this onslaught of garbage.

We don't know it but they are trying to save us from ourselves. The stakes of whom we elect are high. Our choice affects our taxes, our healthcare, our environment, our kid's education and whether we have a job or not. We should owe it to ourselves to demand that every candidate's platform be based on fact. We should understand we have the right to immediately call out where things don't seem to add up and demand that we have the details explained to us in a satisfactory way. That is our foremost democratic right, and only serious fact-based journalism gives us the tools to exercise it. Otherwise we let our countries run without our consent; we open the door for them to run agendas no one asked for and which benefit no one but themselves. We let our system slide into a dictatorship.

Is it worth it to gravitate to the titillating Trump tweets or late night comedy shows to laugh at Trump's latest blunder? We all enjoy being entertained. The new populist politician doesn't talk down to us. He says it like it is. He doesn't overwhelm us with responsibility. He downplays the seriousness of his post. And he makes us laugh, either at him or with him. He gives us permission to pound our fists in righteous rage (also either at him or with him). Trump has brilliantly found our collective kryptonite and he knows how to use it.

This is the post-truth era. Maybe we have the luxury of choosing people who entertain us and talk like one of us. Maybe we also have the luxury of choosing pseudo-medicine, pseudo-science and pseudo-education for our kids. But those of us who still defend scientific rigour, who still uphold that there is a difference between facts and lies, they are looking around us these days and asking where everyone took off to. They are still at the worksite building away toward a solid future that cannot be easily torn down while the rest of us buggered off to get entertained, angered or appeased. Reading endless troll news and tweets became our soul-sucking addiction as the garbage piled up around us.

Maybe some of us left to build our own house of dreams. We will quickly discover that we are grossly unqualified. Built not from facts but from emotion, gut feelings and/or the easiest solution, our house is going to look like Ned Flanders' "Hurricane Neddy" house: a hallway shrinking down to nothing, a toilet in the kitchen, another room entirely electrified. Immediately upon inspection it falls down entirely.

Those of us who want to sift fact from fiction and who are exhausted of following circles of lies, have several tools at our disposal that will defend us against the snake oil. This is not a weapon only "the elite" can wield. It's right there online too and all we need to do is take some time to read and think. Soon we can be masters at critically evaluating any kind of information. Here are just a couple of non-partisan, non-affiliated articles designed to help us:

1) "10 Tips for Telling Fact From Fiction" by Howstuffworks.com. The website itself describes why it is a reliable source of information here.
2) This brings me to my own hint: always look for the "about us" button and see what's there. If it is easy to find and the information there is clear and understandable, the site gets a nod for reliability. Google the author's name and the names of the website's creator or editor to find out what that person's affiliations are.
3) "Don't Be Fooled: Use the SMELL Test To Separate Fact From Fiction Online" by John McManus at Mediashift.org. This article is especially useful for political content. The author is a former journalist, professor and author who has twice won the annual research award of the Society of Professional Journalists.

To My American Readers

This is strictly my opinion. Feel free to disagree with absolutely everything here but please don’t clog up my feedback with hate mail.

When I look at my stats page for this blog I always notice most of my readers are in the United States, and thank you so much for that. Like my friends up here in Alberta, Canada, I watched your election coverage with disbelief. I think almost no Democrat saw a Trump win coming except maybe Michael Moore. I want to understand why half of you chose him. Your choice hits us deeply because many of us see ourselves in you. I certainly do; we are just not that different from each other. In fact, your 18-month-long (?!) election process seems to have kicked off a parallel discussion up here. I should warn you if you are thinking about moving to Canada it is not the socialist Eden some of you might envision. We have a number of Trump-esque political voices here too and by the time you go through the paperwork, we're just as likely to have voted in someone far-right ourselves. The political pendulum always swings back and forth. That said, come on up, welcome! At least come visit and the first round's on me.

If you've read some of my posts you'll know I am unabashedly left-leaning, especially on social issues and our environment, so I can relate to the policies of President Barrack Obama, as well as our Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and my NDP Premier, Rachel Notley. But here in Alberta we also have a healthy right-wing voting block, based both on social issues and on our oilsands-enriched economy. About half my friends and family would call themselves right wing so we have to find common ground, and we do, and it has made for some of the most stimulating conversations I've enjoyed. Yet, President-elect Donald Trump, according to his tweets and what I've seen of his rallies, has gone far into new territory. It seems to be not just a move back toward right-wing ideology, but toward a darker angrier incarnation of it. Why?

Donald Trump won well over the 270 Electoral College votes needed to win. He was fairly and decisively voted into power. The American people spoke very clearly it seems to me, and ongoing anti-Trump demonstrations and riots won't change that. I admit that I tend to read left-leaning news articles online so I see people trying to explain the vote by conjuring up voter manipulation or even stupidity on the part of Trump supporters. That guy's a moron, many are saying, and he hates women and that's why Hillary lost – because too many Americans are backward anti-feminists. As a woman it was pretty darn easy to agree with all that and leave it there. I thought: I'm going to try and write something supportive to my fellow democratic Americans in this dark time, and I assumed those reading my articles are Democrats because I figured no Republican would read my articles. Then I ended up writing four drafts of this article and none of them came out right. I realized I didn't get it. Maybe I don't get Americans and I sure don't get Trump winning.

I gave up for a few days and this morning I said to myself screw it and picked up an Edmonton Sun newspaper to read – a right-wing paper that out of habit I normally avoid. Wow, do Trump supporters really see people like me as smug left-wing elitists that are used to getting our own way and cry like babies, like we are right now, when we don't? Are we soft-minded proponents of a nanny state that is so over-regulated it stymies any new ideas before they even have a chance? Do we elitists think only our view is the correct one and refuse to look outside our bubble of self-satisfaction? If this is true then it turns everything on its head. Democrats are now the elitist slick well-financed too educated overlords and the Republicans are the only people listening to the disavowed working class. Isn't that a 180 degree flip from just a few decades ago when democrats fought for unions and working wages and healthcare for everyone? I think Americans are a smart bunch of people much like us up here so I just can't believe this Trump victory came about from ignorance or laziness or apathy, and I have to believe there is no kernel of painful truth in what they say about us left-leaners. Looks like its time to get out of my protective bubble and really hear what Trump voters are telling Americans (and all of us).

Wondering, then, how this could come about, I find myself going back to where I felt cracks in my pro-left wing mindset and that was the financial crisis of 2008. There is a distinct mistrust of government and of the establishment in Trump's message and I felt that same mistrust needling me back then. Many Americans suffered at the hands of downright illegal manipulations by big banks. Hard-working Americans lost their homes and then their jobs. And as I see it, there wasn't much of a recovery for the working class afterward (the banks, large corporations and the stock market seemed wonderfully resilient however). Just as that nightmare broke, Obama was elected. I still remember the jubilant reaction to his moving speech. I thought, and maybe others too, that he would clean up the corruption in the financial sector and put some of these CEO's in jail. That he'd compensate the people who lost so much. But it didn't happen. It led to a short-lived 99% movement, especially among millennials, but no one seemed to listen to them and it gradually disappeared away but was never resolved. There was never any corporate fallout, why? Now I wonder if many Americans never forgot either. A president can make slick and rousing speeches claiming to champion the working class and then thoroughly ignore them while protecting the corporations who did the damage instead. How much trust in Obama was lost over that?

I can also see why some people are not Hillary Clinton fans – she is very well connected in Washington and supported by a number of well-funded PAC's (political action committees). She could represent more of the same, in which many would continue to feel disenfranchised and left out. I can understand looking to an outsider businessman to run the country from what should be a more practical economic outlook rather than someone who might simply reward one's political allies and keep the status quo.

But here's what looks to me to be a nasty kicker. From what I can gather, both Republicans (at least the establishment ones) and Democrats have standing behind them a bunch of very wealthy influential lobbies like the Koch brothers, banks, big oil companies, etc. and these seem to be the real string-pullers. They are corporations making sure that behind the scenes in congress things go their way, or their shareholders way. Often that means tearing up unions, eliminating retirement funds, removing healthcare and insurance plans and all those things that protect the working class but cost money to the corporation. I think the Trump win (despite all the odds and without nearly as much PAC backing) means it's time for Democrats and Republicans to start talking to each other across the battlefront. It means we Canadians need to step out of our trenches too. If there is one value that both sides cherish above all it is democracy itself – the right of every citizen to choose. I think it's high time to take a close look at democracy itself and ask if it is being served the way our forefathers envisioned. I think PAC's and anything like them need to go right now but is it too late? Someone's got to vote them out and that's the president and congress (and here it's the PM and the House calling to keep strict campaign donation limits). Trump actually has the best mandate in a long time to make that happen as long as he can convince congressmen to vote with their conscience instead of their pocketbooks (tall order, maybe too tall). As a Canadian I am compelled to take a good hard look at myself and revisit how my democratic process is protected.

None of this makes me a Trump fan, however. As I see him, he's woefully unprepared, he's ignorant because he doesn't read and he's way too thin-skinned. He's a bigot, he's putting Stephen Bannon in a top advisory position and he has never shown to my knowledge any concern for working-class Americans before his campaign. How he's going to stand up for the working class once elected is totally beyond me BUT he is indeed the political outsider that so many Americans, I think, have been craving. And I think he's the only choice that could put into stark relief something that might be very wrong with our modern democratic systems around the world. I do think that we will see Trump clones coming into power in other countries such as those coming up for election in Europe.

I don't think anti-establishment sentiment is the only reason Trump the man has some allure. Consider for a moment that Trump made most of his fortune in a country during which many of the rich got richer, thanks to tax codes that benefit the wealthy, a healthy stock market, affordable energy, a healthy job market and efficient international trade allowing abundant raw materials to move to where you need them. Much of his success was the result of being at the right place at the right time in history. He is very much a product of the American Dream. He is a white North American male baby boomer, and as a result he has enjoyed many advantages that I don't think will be there for our millennials. He is a product of a temporary and unsustainable system. And yet he didn't run on happiness and hope. He ran on fury and fear. His anger has stirred up more rage among voters than I've ever seen – rage about losing one's advantage in life to the elite, to over-regulation, to increasing numbers of minorities, to terrorism, and I could go on.

I see it as rage but I also think I sensed fear right underneath it. Why would seemingly advantaged older white males be fearful of anything? When I asked a few older male relatives questions along the same vein over the years, I noticed that sometimes we started talking about a fear that the world is changing too fast and they can't keep up with it and they can't make sense of it. The world they grew up in does not work by the same rules as it does now. We are facing globalization, a technological explosion, an information explosion, an explosion of cultural exchange, and a rapidly changing physical reality – our climate is changing and our resources are dwindling – all at the same time. That is a completely legitimate fear. The world in general is changing faster now than at any time in history. Some people in the media called this election a vote for change but when I see it in this way, it seems like a vote only for change back to the way things were. And perhaps that's what fueled Trump most in his campaign – a powerful nostalgia for his own personal best days when the world seemed predictable, something that older white male voters, especially, would connect to on a deep level.

If by making America great again, Trump means to take everyone back to the prosperous 1950's I've got to say I think that ship has long sailed. The States, from where I sit, is becoming this diverse, influential, innovative country, as is Canada, and change will continue whether we like it or not and whether we are ready or not. Our children's futures, I suspect, will be very different from what we live right now. I really don't want to see how the United States works with environmental laws, consumer protection laws, government healthcare, immigrant protections, international trade and women's rights rolled back. Instead of a return to the post-war 50's I'm afraid it will be some twisted state bent toward isolationism and paranoia, something too similar to creepy North Korea. In the end, I just don't think that's what Americans, or even Trump himself, really have in mind for the future. If he ran his campaign based on making life better for the working class then I think working class voters should hold his feet right to the fire. It's time someone put their concerns first.

It would be easy to rail against Trump as a woman, as a feminist, as an environmentalist, hell as someone who actually trusts in scientific fact. It would feel much more comfortable to rally around like-minded people and justify my own rage against "the other." But after much thought it seems time to stop fighting, stop freaking out that the world is going to hell inside my little echo chamber, take a breath, and listen to others who have clearly told us all something important. Trump voter, I'll buy you a beer too :-)

Nerd In Vegas

We were newbies. At 50, it might seem difficult to manage not to have gone to Las Vegas even once. My husband signed up for the November Rock n' Roll Race along with a handful of good friends so I tagged along. We've been curious for years: What the heck is Las Vegas?

Note: All prices except stated otherwise are in American dollars as of November 2015. Right now us Canucks are paying an additional 30% thanks to our weak dollar. The prices are included because part of my argument here is whether it was worth it or not. We wanted to stay on the strip and have what we thought would be a real Vegas Experience. Quite a few friends we talked to usually stay off-strip for a little as $50/night and pay much less for restaurant meals. This is our experience along with a little additional information attained through some online sleuthing.

As we landed I could see the city hovering in the desert like a mirage. Even in daytime, it is alluring at first sight, full of promise and magic. We chose a rental car and except for a few misleading exit signs the drive to our hotel was straightforward. Our friends chose to take a taxi to their hotel. Here's where things begin to get interesting, and none of us, even non-newbies, knew any of this. Just to get in a cab in Las Vegas you are charged $3.30. There is an additional $1.80 surcharge for airport pickup/drop-off. There are waiting time fees. Some cabbies will tell you there is an additional mandatory tip as well. In Edmonton, you just get in the cab and the metre tallies up your minutes. I think in most cities it's a pretty standard interaction. Here fares are murky, and often way too high. There is much written online about Las Vegas cabbies taking the long haul route to your destination. They will drive to hell and back to get from point A to point B and being a newb you don't know any better. I sensed this when some friends and we took a cab from our hotel to Freemont Street. According to the map it's a straightforward jaunt from the MGM Signature, where we stayed, to the end of the strip. At night, we were turning off and on ramps and speeding around other cars. The ride was $30, too steep really.  After a little online sleuthing to see what other people have experienced, I have this tip for other newbies (if there are any left in the world besides us): say, "Please take the most direct route. I don't want to go on the freeway."

Joe booked a room for us at the Signature at MGM Grand. The drive to the three towers, the valet service offered, and the grand lobby entrance all make you feel you are in for an exclusive and ritzy experience. There was a hiccup when we checked in. Joe paid for four nights through air-miles, a third party provider, and there was no record of us in their books. After much rummaging through printoffs and waiting around, we managed to produce our confirmation number. I don't know whether air miles or the hotel dropped the ball there. We also dropped the ball by not having all documents within easy reach. Newbie note: make sure you have every document with you and handy, especially if you book through anywhere but the hotel directly.

Our room was very nice with a lux marble tiled bathroom (which is emphasized on the website, of course). For the base price I thought it was a fairly decent deal for a very good room, around $240/night (Canadian). This was the standard price we got while using air miles. If there is a sale, you won't see that reflected in your air mile usage.  It varies by time of year and who you book with, in American dollars, it costs about 30% less, and I would recommend it both for good service and for proximity to the strip (while still being quiet). We found out from friends staying there with us that these rooms are owned and then rented out as hotel rooms, a cool idea. They don't have pressure-sensitive minibars (thank you) but instead have a mini kitchen. If we were to stay there again, we would have asked for the kitchen utensils (not in room but supplied if you ask) and then go to Walgreens on the strip for yogurt, fruit and muffins for every breakfast except for one (rationale coming), for convenience in the morning, a healthier option, and because it is much cheaper.

Not so cool were additional rates charged. First, to print off a few race registration sheets cost us $9. Even less cool was the fact that the MGM pool complex unknown to us was closed for the season (although in fairness I rechecked the website and it does state clearly it is closed now; maybe we arrived just as it closed). We were looking forward to the lazy tube ride and the pools.  Not being able to use any of this, we were charged an additional $29 (American) per day for a resort fee. Really guys?  If the complex was still open, according to the hotel website you must pay for a spa pass of $25 (American) per day per person in addition to the resort fee. Huh? To rent a tube for the lazy river costs an additional $16. To rent a cabana is free (and Tripadvisor reviewers warn that this is the only place you will find shade when it gets fiery hot in summer). The catch there is that you must buy at least $400 (American!) in drinks/snacks to qualify I believe that's for two and it goes up from there, according to a reviewer question on Tripadvisor from 2012. The website only states that a minimum food/beverage purchase is required. We still had access to the hot tub and pool of our tower, however, and we had the place almost to ourselves. Still, I think you can see where this is going. $240/night quickly balloons to almost $1000/night and you still must find breakfast and dinner somewhere and some kind of nightlife. If that is in your budget I say go for it but I would have been miserable spending a fortune just to stay comfortable there in the summer, and I'm still a bit peeved about it in the winter, frankly. Lesson: Everything costs in Vegas. By the way, a newbie tip here is that many add-on fees are not easy to find on hotel websites, especially the pricey strip hotels. I wonder how many people arrive to a far more expensive stay than what they planned on. I find this business approach insulting to guests who are paying a premium for good rooms in a good hotel. For comparison, I experienced one-on-one service with unlimited activities, full access, and almost free amenities including drinks and great local healthy food at an ecoresort in Costa Rica a few years ago, called Playa Nicuesa Rainforest Lodge. I just checked the website: It's $230/day during the green season (when we stayed), very exclusive (can get there only by plane and then boat) and a hell of a lot more fun. If you read some of my other articles you know I try to be ecologically responsible. On this point I argue that even a non-ecoloving person would prefer this other option, although admittedly you will not find sequins, high heels, "call girls" or slot machines. How ecofriendly is Vegas, I wonder?  I'm going to get to that.

When we landed we wanted an early supper so we set off exploring. The towers are connected nicely to the MGM proper, a fairly short walk that includes moving pedways. Once in MGM Grand, however, we entered an endless smoke-and-racket filled casino that is a maze to navigate through. I don't spend time in casinos so its appeal is limited. Good restaurants, or at least restaurants with celebrity chef names attached to them, branch off these gambling caverns. All other high-end hotel complexes we visited were the same in this regard. You had to walk through the casino to get to a good restaurant, to see a Cirque show, to get out of the hotel, to get anywhere actually. And every one is a maze.

Here is one thing I just don't get. All these restaurants seem to open into the smoky casino air. Not only is it unappetizing to walk through a cloud of smoke to eat, but you are also entering a cavern within a cavern. There are no windows anywhere. I don't understand the appeal of a $150 Gordon Ramsey steak dinner (for some wine and dessert, add $100, and I mean per person here). Even if the décor in these restaurants is really stunning (at least what I could see peeking in).

We kept on and made our way to the monorail station. If you want to see the main highlights of the strip, buy a day pass. For two of us it costs $24, one of the few charges I felt was totally reasonable as it connects you quickly to several key tourist destinations on the strip (traffic on the strip at night is too congested for a car but I had a reason for the car rental, coming up). By now it was dark and the strip lights were indeed dazzling. We had found ourselves buying a Fat Tuesday drink on the way (a boozy slush drink in an insulated cup). These were indeed good and every flavour we tried was delicious. We found it fun a bit thrilling to walk around with a boozy drink all over Vegas as it is most definitely legal to do so within the city. They are $15 each and $10 if you bring back your cup to reuse. I give them an eco nod for the reusing option. There are Fat Tuesdays and their knock-offs all over, almost as many as there are Starbucks. The Starbucks in our hotel charged twice as much as the ones near the strip. As breakfast options are limited right at the towers (there is only one small café and Starbucks) it seemed natural to just get two lattes, two yogurt/fruit cups and a doughnut for breakfast, until we got our bill, $45! With that option shut down, we reacted by going big and going tiny on following mornings. On Sunday morning before the race, we opened our wallets and enjoyed the champagne brunch at the MGM. It costs about $28 each, a great deal compared to Starbucks, and it was good! Great food, great service, lots of choices, wonderful champagne orange juice. We took our time, got very full and got giggly. I consider that a worthy indulgence. It got our spirits up when we were starting to wonder about this whole Vegas thing. To go tiny we trekked to the food court in the MGM. Perfectly acceptable breakfasts can be had here on a much smaller dime. Still not uber-cheap by any means. And where can a soul get a piece of fruit or vegetables to nibble on? God help vegans in Las Vegas.

What got to me, and I think to my friends and possibly most visitors as well, is that absolutely nothing is straightforward. What should be a simple walk down the strip is in fact a maze. Before you know it you are finding yourself walking up across a pedway into yet another hotel, and more specifically into its rambling casino. It may be Bally's or Paris or New York, New York, Caesar's Palace or the Venetian. Regardless, you will be fighting your way through a smoky casino maze to get to any of the "good" stuff like miniaturized versions of Paris. Or Rome. Or something. Getting off at monorail stops is no different. Your first sight will be maybe a few shops and then a casino. I would think more than a few people start to get as creeped out by this as I did. Even if you choose to simply walk the strip, you are in a noisy congested maze of people, sights and lights. Tack three times onto to any length walk you plan to make. Forget Google's walk time estimates. They're no good here because time and space in Vegas operate according to their own mysterious physics.

On this point I found myself experiencing a really odd mix of emotions. It is overwhelming and in a vague sense alluring. At low moments I felt like part of herd of cattle marching to some unseen slaughterhouse and I started to feel manipulated, as if "They" are going to get my money one way or another and I will eventually realize I am powerless to stop it. I started to feel really angry toward "Them." I was going to have my own Vegas vacation on my own goddamn terms, thank you! As a tourist, it is hard not to feel more than a bit manipulated or at least micro-managed. Who are "They" I wondered. I will get to that.

Despite this, we found our way to small treasures. There are very good little eateries all around the artificial cities and there are cheap eats on the strip but you generally must look for them. For example, Jean Philippe Chocolates and Pastries in the Bellagio, is a really wonderful place to stop and eat. This man is a world renowned pastry chef. The cascading glass chocolate fountain is dazzling and the pastries and treats are beautiful to the eye and welcomed by the taste buds. We got some great savoury crepes there. The salmon in mine was astoundingly fresh, as fresh as seafood right off the shores of Vancouver Island. This led me to research, and perhaps it is no surprise that Vegas boasts one of the most sophisticated food supply infrastructures in North America. Ingredients are shipped fresh and fast from around the globe, and you can find everything here from fresh wild salmon to sea urchin to any caviar you desire, etc. For a steep price, however. And served in a cavern. There is great pizza to be had in a shop in Ceasars Palace. There is a fantastic pub with a really good beer list in The Venetian. Most of these offerings were on the reasonable side and they were all very good. I don't know what the right way to do Vegas is but this approach seemed like a sound option. We also got to try White Castle fare and Crispy Crème doughnuts, two American treats that have been on our to-do list for some time. I suppose the other option, if you have a big budget or simply want to do Vegas BIG, is to try several high-end famous chef restaurants. There are many. However, I did find it somehow distasteful to discover that Mr. Ramsey represented himself in at least three eateries, covering the entire price spectrum. It seems a bit obvious that this is easy money for an already wealthy man. And what do I get for this? Certainly Mr. Ramsey himself is nowhere to be found. Perhaps a plaster likeness of him would yell at me as I walk into his restaurant: "You STUPID COW!!" This idea in general somehow seems a bit dated to me. I go back to my earlier comment that if I want to spend money on a chef eatery, give me a chef in his own native restaurant where he lives and creates, where he sources his ingredients from the local farms. He doesn't have to famous. NOW I will happily give over $300 to enjoy a truly transcendent culinary adventure. But not here in this fake jungle. It's on principle now. And the principle, I learned online is called "the concept-driven restaurant." This, along with craft beers, is a new trend and Vegas is playing catch-up.

I found to my surprise stunning art in Vegas. It is all around to be had for free. You just have to enjoy it. To get to that patisserie I mentioned we walked through the Bellagio conservatory and the Fiori di Como – the glass ceiling flower art – in the hotel lobby. I spent several minutes aiming my camera upward to photograph it. And I spent several minutes just looking at it, so beautiful! The glass artist, Dale Chihuly, is very accomplished and he was commissioned to make this piece in 1998. It cost $10 million to create and consists of 2000 hand-blown glass blossoms that weigh 40,000 pounds all together, all supported by a 10,000 pound steel armature. Between 2 and 5 am every day, a team of about eight engineers clean and maintain it. This piece reminded me of my most favourite glass art, the modern stained glass windows in Hereford Cathedral in England. The windows were inspired by the poetry of a 17^th century Hereford poet, Thomas Traherne. My sister bought this poetry book for me when we visited there on a walking holiday. It is spiritual poetry that is stunning in its descriptive powers of the human heart, as stunning as the sound of the organ and singers in that wonderfully atmospheric cathedral. Now in Vegas, does the Fiori di Como achieve spiritual depth (or height)? Should it? I read online that many people come just to see the flowers and many of them sit under them for hours contemplating them. Others lay on the floor to see them best. Could they be so hungry for something beautiful in a real sense? I was.

In the following days, I looked for art and found it in installments, sculptures, and in galleries. It is good art, or at least art that made me stop, think, examine and question. Picasso and Salvador Dali works could be found as well as other artists I had never heard of that I thought were even more fascinating. There is a gallery devoted to the work of a Russian artist in the Forum shops at Caesars Palace, that is just, how can I say this, utterly intriguing.

While Joe ran a half-marathon, I thought to myself as I explored: Vegas itself is a marathon. I need stamina to get to all the places I want to see, and I need to pace myself and guard against sensory exhaustion. It is both feast and assault to your senses. There is beautiful and even sublime if you look. There is also tacky, gross, depressingly sad and just plain weird. It is both thrilling and disorienting. I kind of loved it a little bit, but in the same way as the line in the movie Backdraft, "The only way to beat fire is to love it a little." You need to be on guard in Vegas. I could sense its predatory nature and, in fact, I suspect predation is really what Vegas is all about. It is sometimes subtle. It knows that you are going to eventually say to yourself, "Well I'm here so I might as well . . ." and that is when you begin to contribute your share to the massively expensive infrastructure that is Vegas. It is a machine carefully designed to relieve you of your money, and it will most often do it while you are enjoying yourself.

It feeds on your weaknesses: shopping, gambling, drinking, eating, and sex in any way you can imagine it, and pride too because there seems to be an unwritten rule here: don't look cheap or poor. You can look tacky though, and in fact here I think tacky gets you fashion points. Newbie tip:  Especially if you have a bit of a psychological interest, watch people's faces while they walk, while they eat, and while they party and gamble. I felt sometimes I was witnessing seethingly powerful forces in our collective unconscious at work as I walked, especially after dark. I felt my own mysterious urges and thoughts stream upward to greet me at strange and unexpected times. I knew I was experiencing only the glitzy shell of Vegas, but I could vaguely sense something ugly deeper inside, truths about Vegas that maybe cabbies, the police and social workers know too well. There is also raw celebratory energy in places and I could see many people simply letting loose according to what appeared to be a more innocent agenda. Is that so bad? I let it take me over a few days later as I danced with our friends at the open-air concert on Fremont Street. It felt good to let it all go. It feels as good now to let the little kid inside gawk around inside fake Venice, Rome and Paris. They are fun; we both enjoyed walking around in them. But these themed places will never age gracefully like the originals. There is a brutal obsolescence built into them, because what's currently "in" changes on a dime, and I can feel they are already missing the mark. Look with your rose-coloured glasses and there is romance in Vegas too, even if it comes from a fake streetlamp shining gold light onto fake cobblestone. There are numerous places to stop and steel a kiss with your sweetheart.

We spent lots of money to see "O" on our first night there and it did not disappoint. These Cirque du Soleil shows offer magic and awe and they are gloriously beautiful. We see the traveling shows whenever we can in home in Edmonton. This was our chance to see a permanent show. The technical achievement of it utterly fascinates me as I think about it. Newbie suggestion: do see at least one show in Vegas. I think a burlesque show or magic show could be equally fun. It was a good introduction to Vegas because Vegas itself, I was learning, is theatre. As long as I kept this knowledge in mind, I enjoyed my experience and let some of its magic in. Even the ubiquitous casinos are theatre, really. There is a spectrum on offer from techno-new (MGM, Bellagio) to an old school glamorous/a-little-sleazy. I am thinking of the quite wonderful but horribly smoky Golden Nugget casino on Freemont Street. It was interesting to compare that hotel lobby and casino to the newer monstrosities on the strip. That older building is more humanly sized and it instantly feels just a bit less intimidating. I wonder if the strip development overdid it. Had it gone too far and made us feel more uncomfortable than comfortable? Judging from how popular the strip seems to be, I might be alone in that thought. As a group, we ate dinner at Vic and Anthony's in the Golden Nugget. It is elegant, intimate and totally overflowing with the glamorous atmosphere of what I imagine as "Old Vegas." I loved the swooning voices of the rat pack in the background as we enjoyed a memorable dinner together. Newbie tip: this is a place I would definitely go for a quintessential steak dinner experience in Vegas: really good, not crazily expensive and worth every dime.

It is in a way wonderfully fitting to take in the Mob Museum near Freemont Street. If you wonder like I did how Vegas got to be what it is, this is a fascinating place to dig in and investigate. Money, crime, and power families – in there you see both the glamorous lifestyle of the mob bosses and their women as well as the ruthless and short lives of made men. There are intriguing connections to the Kennedy assassination, to Cuba, and even to the recent European soccer scandal there. Old Vegas came to be when the mob found a city to invest in. The mob was cleaned out of Vegas in the 1980's with a series of high-profile investigations and arrests (and here you can find some very interesting origins of modern investigation techniques such as the witness protection program and the switch to trying people according to connections to criminal activities rather than according to each individual crime). I think admission was around $20 each, money well spent!

Las Vegas, I learned online, is always transforming itself. The mob gave Vegas the blueprint that corporations now use to develop it further, bigger, better. At least they hope it's better. I'm not convinced. It seems people love Vegas to party, gamble, be someone different, and play, but it is a slick operation that takes as much money as it can psychologically muscle out of you. It can leave you high and dry to fly home, defeated and wondering what just happened. There is a lot of "I hate Vegas" online I quickly found out, and the reasons seem to be similar to the letdown I felt there, rather than just those that lose big at the tables, although I suspect there are countless people who lose homes, cars, etc. in the casinos. Travellers are more sophisticated than ever. People have more vacation options too. They can see real European cities in their own unique way. They can travel to out of the way countries to eat the exotic foods there, and they can experience local cultures. People are savvy and they can smell a tourist trap. Vegas, it seems to me has done it all way to obviously. What it offers is something like Velveeta processed cheese. You know you can get real artisanal flavourful cheese elsewhere, and probably for much less. More than a few of my friends seem to be kind of sick of the place, especially those that have been there a few times. Will millennials buy the hype? Are the swank nightclubs enough for them when there are better ones arguably in Europe and most have been there too at least once? Those kids are even more critical of everything than we are.

Christmas is approaching and it likewise promises magic as well as a rosily unrealistic expectation of loving family harmony for the holidays. The reality is extra stress and cost, a few tensions here and there among family, and if I am lucky a few moments of rest. It is not a very restoring experience. Yet I feel the Christmas magic enter me and I love that feeling of anticipation. Even though I am definitely old enough to know better, and I know I am going to get cranky putting up the tree again and I'll need a stiff drink or two before the holiday is over, I love the theatre and ritual of it. How different is that from the Vegas Experience? Maybe there is something in our hearts that desires it. Christmas, however, is at least anchored by family bonds and by something spiritual and historic. Vegas is anchored only by money. It's ultimately sadly hollow. If we go there hungry, we will go home even hungrier.

Is Vegas on its way down? Will millennials embrace this kind of "more is more" mentality? Or have they had it with the baby boomer greed they had to grow up living with? Time will tell. More pressing is the question of whether Vegas will survive climate change and the deep drought threatening the water supply of Lake Mead. When we arrived I could see the steep dried white backs of the lake against Hoover Dam, stark evidence of a severe and increasing water shortage. Although you can quickly forget Las Vegas is actually located somewhere on Earth, it is indeed plunked down in the middle of Mohave Desert. The only water supply is the Colorado River, and it is being way over-used in the continuing drought experienced there. The city invested more than $1 billion to build new intake valves at the bottom of the lake behind Hoover Dam because the water level is falling below the present intake. It also cut its water consumption by 23% while the city grew by 500,000 people.

It seems that while the city itself is not in denial, the tourist zone is. I never saw a low-flush toilet or low-flow showerhead. Our room instead had a deep Jacuzzi tub. It seemed at least the tourist zone is ultimately unsustainable, and that is where almost all the investment money is. Imagine summer temperatures continuing to rise and at some point, being virtually unlivable. Will resorts build giant air-conditioned domes over their resorts, thus making the experience even more claustrophobic? Perhaps some enterprising CEO will capitalize on climate change and create an enclosed Moon or Mars experience, so you can feel like a new world colonist while you gamble. I never saw a single recycling bin anywhere, and in Vegas you quickly realize how much plastic and other waste you create when you rely on take aways and disposable drink cups. Perhaps city management thinks it’s a lost cause to get drunk people to recycle their garbage. So much trash is thrown right on the ground and many people are hired to discretely clean that up all day and night. I can just imagine how large the local landfill must be and how fast it must be filling up. Something is going to have to give at some point if climate change continues on this trajectory, as it is expected to. The twenty-somethings I know are more than a bit peeved that we baby boomers have done so much damage to the planet. Vegas could be the lightning rod for that resentment, rather than the escape destination it hopes to continue to be.

However, Las Vegas also seems resilient and the corporate machine here is very intelligent. In fact, I find myself wondering what kinds of secret algorithms CFO's, or gambling managers or whatever they are called, employ in the money-generating gaming rooms. Who so cleverly designed the disorientating passageways that funnel humans into casinos? I admire how seamlessly it seems to work. Still, surely CEO's know the world is changing fast and that even a denial as solid as the Hoover Dam can't win out over reality. Will Vegas reinvent itself as the Green Gaming City? Will solar panels outshine hotels as we fly in? And why aren't there already solar panels everywhere? It's not a new technology and it is now quite affordable, an investment that would in fact reduce energy bills and save money. Will we ever see native gardens planted among the buildings? How about greenhouses somewhere close by to supply food?

Caesar's Entertainment, which owns Caesar's Palace, Paris, Bally's, Flamingo, Rio, Planet Hollywood, Harrah's Las Vegas and the Quad, launched a Codegreen program in 2008. To see a review (as of 2013), read this case study. You have to purchase the PDF to read the entire paper. Frankly I find it very light on current specifics and heavy on future plans and initiatives. MGM Resorts, the other big corporate player in Vegas, owns MGM Grand, Bellagio, Mandalay Bay, The Mirage, Monte Carlo, New York-New York, Luxor and Excalibur as well as the new CityCenter, a massive strip complex that includes new conference facilities. It launched its own program called Green Advantage. In 2013, 12 MGM properties were certified as Greenleaders by Tripadvisor. Mandalay Bay announced it plans to install the second largest rooftop solar array in the U.S. (finally! and I will believe it when it actually happens). To get an idea of how MGM Resorts is attempting to go green, watch this October 2015 Bloomberg video. Don't expect hard facts here either, but instead beware of too much of what I call corporate-speak. My response to both programs is yes, you are making strides in building more efficient energy production facilities and recycling cardboard (things that reduce your bills and thus your bottom line), but you are light on details about true eco-responsibility, and you are not doing nearly enough to address your critical water issues. In the video the sustainability officer (yes MGM has one to its credit) states that when they constructed their latest LEED-certified CityCenter, they did not want to look anything like an ecoresort. It needed to look glam and shiny, in keeping with what they think tourists are attracted to in Vegas. But will younger tourists continue to find that attractive? I seriously wonder.

The world and how we relate to it is changing fast, I think if these corporations have a fatal flaw it will be that, like a large ship, they are too heavily invested to turn on a dime. They might be too big to keep up with rapidly changing demands. One thing is clear: they understand that at least selling green is important to today's tourists. They are under pressure to promote a glamorous green. Is it real or is it window-dressing, because it seems to me they no longer have the option of green-washing if they want to survive. Convention attendees, coming from companies that are practicing green initiatives, expect their convention center to be practicing them too. Most tourists are going to demand that as well. It doesn't feel good at all to know I am being far less ecofriendly in Las Vegas than I am at home. This city is clearly under environmental stress and I only exacerbated it with my presence there.

Nevada is a beautiful state and when we drove out of the city to hike I couldn't help but wonder why Las Vegas couldn't embrace its natural surroundings rather than build replicas of elsewhere to attract people. Will people game and have fun in a natural setting? I think so.

If you go to Las Vegas, try the Red Rock Canyon. It's about 40 km (26 miles or so) out of the city (the reason for the car rental). We had time to explore the interpretive centre, which is very well done. Knowing nothing about desert flora and fauna, and the history of people there, it was really fascinating to learn. The exhibits are set up to make that easy and fun. We found that in mid-November the temperature is perfect, for example, mild 20C in the day and a refreshing 14C at night. After reading several blogs online about other people's experiences, I think this is a much better time to visit than during the heat of summer. In summer, prepare for 40C and much larger sweaty crowds everywhere.

We hiked the Calico Tanks, called the quintessential hike online. It is both challenging (some route finding skill is good) and so very beautiful. This was my one must-do as I had never hiked in desert before. How the light plays on the colourful rock and craggy ancient trees is stunning. There are indeed water tanks hidden in the large crevice, and I'm sure that animals and people have used that secret source for thousands of years. They were low but there was standing water even during this extended drought Nevada is experiencing. Do hike this if you can, but don't if you have knee problems. Do wear shoes with good grip as you will need that. And bring at least 1 litre of water for your hike (more in summer). If I were to do it again I would backpack in a nice picnic to enjoy with Joe at the end where we reached a summit that overlooks Las Vegas in the distance. There we could enjoy the city from a new perspective. I would also sign in at the signup book at the interpretive centre just so that they know we are out there.

I really wonder how Las Vegas is going to adjust or if it can. I would like to say I am above the unevolved thrill of Vegas but I am not, at least not completely. She left her mark on me as this article attests. Still, I know there are far better places to experience out there in the world. As our plane took off, I watched the dark and glittering city disappear behind me and I felt glad I experienced it. But, Vegas lived up the image of a mirage in the desert. At first, it seems to promise so much but, at least for average working class people like us, it ends up delivering very little. 

Living a Common-sense Life: Part 2

Be Careful Where You Go Digging Around

Naturally, in January I started out full of optimism that I would finally learn "money." I love how I used "brilliance" in that title, so sure I was of myself! I do feel some pride when I tell you that I am still at it writing down all of our monthly expenditures and categorizing them to find out where the money is going. But mostly I feel like a rabbit going down the rabbit hole: Money, I am finding out more and more now, is brimmed to overflowing with hidden meanings and insanity. Weird little habits and behaviours are reluctantly starting to reveal themselves on my homemade ledger pages. I feel as if I am now, a few months in, uncovering secrets inside both myself and my husband – secrets that have power and they live somehow in the money. Oh my goodness that sounds certifiable! Let me try to explain.

This whole thing started when I finally couldn't look the other way any longer. I could clearly see that our spending was out of control. At Christmas we both spent money purely as our emotions at the time dictated and those "decisions" revealed much more than I was at first prepared to admit. Today this article is happening because a small light bulb went off again: gardening season is starting and while I am an avid and fairly good gardener (I make part of my living working seasonally at a large greenhouse), I feel the same emotions I feel every spring. There is a reticence in my bones against pruning that first branch or digging that first planting hole. I don't want to get in there and get my hands dirty (and, I think, I don't want to make the decisions . . . in money, I feel the same thing: a powerful reluctance to get in there and make the decisions – say no, say yes, start, finish, throw away, end and begin. Yet at least with gardening, once I get in there I feel so good. I am once again together with my muse and I always find that place where I lose time and get lost in my work, a most awesome state of being, of feeling really alive in this world. I find that in physics too.

But back to money as it is here where fishy things are going on and little eccentricities are showing up left right and center. Writing everything down as we spent, or more importantly knowing THAT we were going to have to write it down, I expected to finally get a grip on this slippery eel called money. Now I am less certain. I have three months of spending history to use as reference, and I can't help but notice that while I have become quite comfortable with balancing quality versus price, and going after nutrition versus convenience at the grocery store, we have what seems to be an entirely unhealthy and unwholesome addiction to A&W breakfast coupons, for example. For two "health nuts" who are into cross-fit and cleansing smoothies, bacon n' eggers and sausage n' eggers seem to be one of our dirty little secrets – three times a week, sometimes more. I say I go there because the coffee is good and in these topsy-turvy times, it comes with free refills, something every penny pincher would agree is simply good acumen. But it isn't. It's because the same old-timers are in there every morning and they say hi and the ladies know us now and the place is homely and blue-collar and we feel it like a warm cultural blanket from our modest childhoods. We go there to feed our souls.

I am finding out that there are many examples of this inexplicable, at least to a rational mind, behaviour in the ledgers. Money, I am discovering, is madness, and there is a deep treasure trove or black stinky pit (take your pick, or both) inside money. We are doing things with it that seem to be feeding us in un-obvious ways, sometimes consciously like the breakfasts, but I suspect, looking at them again, that most are unconscious. Why a collection of air plants? Why this red T-shirt I "needed"? There is a lot of ego-feeding here. Why this expanding list of Spartan race "vacations"? Can you spell mid-life crisis? There are fears in here . . .

Just as with gardening, I live it, breathe it and dream it. And I have very little understanding of why I must buy certain things. So much can be categorized as impulse spending, but now as I sit here and mull, that too-broad category seems inadequate. I continue to write down and record our expenditures but as I do, there is an increasing sense that I must tread carefully when I try to interpret the findings. I must use a fine brush and light touch . . . there are emotional hazards here. My husband and I are two very reasonable rational people on the outside – both with long and very ingrained scientific outlooks on life. We trust our understanding and what we can see and touch and measure. But I look here and see the understory: revealed here are eccentricities, oddities and general weirdness. Trying to grasp what's going on inside our minds, hearts, souls, isn't going to be easy . . .

On a science note, I am thinking of exploring nuclear fusion as an energy source, to finish off the High Energy Science series. I also want to do an article exploring how we could adapt the process of photosynthesis into an exploitable green energy source. Finally, I think the amplitudehedron – the multidimensional theory of the particle – would be very interesting to explore further. Once the gardening and greenhouse work is under control (small dry laugh).

Living a Common-Sense Life: On Brilliance, Balance and Money

There is something about us science nerds. We spend a lot of time with our heads in the clouds. We might think we are different from other people but I think we have a lot in common with artists, writers and other creative types. Like them, we often lose ourselves in our thoughts. Several hours go by without our noticing them. This is not an entirely bad thing. Such passion gives our lives pleasure. But, as I admit, it is also an escape from the everyday world, and this can have consequences. It is easy to become too comfortable in this niche we create. I remember reading about the life of Paul Dirac (a book called "The Strangest Man"). He was an absolutely brilliant theorist. He was responsible for setting up much of the foundation I rely on in my articles, but much of his personal life especially the early part, to put it bluntly, sucked. He was socially awkward as hell and had few if any of what I would call good friends. Most historians think he fell somewhere on the autism spectrum disorder.

Don't get me wrong. I think the world desperately needs these brilliant minds more than ever, but it can't be a picnic being the one living that life. Luckily for me I don't. I am not remotely brilliant enough to think like Paul Dirac did. I do, however, notice that ordinary folk like me with our head-in-the-clouds minds, are also vulnerable to developing a skewed and unhealthily unbalanced life. Sure some of us nerds might be able to understand something of quantum mechanics but commonsense we ain't. We get lost and sometimes it feels like we're drowning in ourselves. I found some solace and inspiration in Thomas Moore's books (he wrote "Care of the Soul"). He is an ex-Catholic priest whom I would describe as kind of a new ager. He too describes himself as a head-in-the-clouds mind and I found his personal efforts, advice and wisdom both comforting and challenging. His writing is also exquisite and it is what inspired me to write.

I also went through a Zen book reading phase a few years before that, and there is something therapeutic about Zen practice that sticks with me to this day. As I understand it, it embraces the idea that the everyday mundane world we all live in – all the daily chores and routines – is itself practice. These chores offer us rich material to deepen and broaden our personality and develop our minds. The trick is to perform them mindfully and with a sense of respect for what we are doing. So when I peel carrots for supper, for example, I focus on the job I am doing. If I really embrace that moment, it becomes a form of meditation. All I am really doing is paying attention to what I'm doing. Seems so simple but in my experience it is tough as hell and almost impossible to keep mindful day after day. There are constant relapses but the Zen masters say it is the effort that refines us. I find it especially challenging to sit down, get lost in some theory or other for three hours, then get up to the kitchen, wash my mind of that, wash my hands and start supper (and try to get my mind on that now).

If I let it, I can start to resent the intrusions of life into my "real" work, including the actual paid work I do, which is the real work. This is a mistake because all those intrusions are my very real life happening at the same time, and it is the contents of these "intrusions" that ground me and give my life some depth of meaning. I remember a Haiku poem from my Zen time that basically read: "In the springtime I eat cucumbers." Again, so simple. That phrase always struck me as a lesson in grounding oneself. Whether I think of it or not, I am part of this earth, its dirt and sky, its seasons. I have to eat and poop and sleep and exercise and shower and pay the bills and earn money and cook and connect with my loved ones just like everyone else does. In the spring when cucumbers are in season in Japan, what should you do? Should you go out and seek designer watermelon? No. You should eat what is there before you. Here in Alberta, I should not expect the world to bend for me; I learn how to bend to it by being in its moment. Even Paul Dirac, hopelessly shy and awkward, learned how to bend toward life. He later married and stayed happily married for fifty years, having two kids along the way. Here's an article that tells his romantic story beautifully. For a nerd like me, it's divine.

So why am I writing about this today? Because I am in the process of relearning this important lesson of mindfulness and bending once again. Another whack to the head and this time it comes with a financial twist. I am not a money-person. For the most part, I am perfectly content to slide along and let hubby deal with the dirty business of our finances – more time for me to escape to my nerd hovel. I have found over the years that very few 'cloud' thinkers do like to deal with money. Luckily for hubby and I, our incomes slowly increased, the kid left home and got married, and savings started to build. We always seemed to be 'in the black' so I never cared about money much. Then the husband of a friend at the greenhouse where I work in spring suddenly died, leaving her and their four kids with a mortgage, no life insurance, no savings, and few skills to turn into a good-paying job. Friends did some fundraising for her but it was only a temporary stopgap. She was suddenly in the deep end with sharks circling and it hit me hard. It could have been me and while I would be in a better position at the start, I am hopelessly financially stupid. That's when I started watching "Till Debt Do You Part," a personal money management show (on Global TV here at 11:30 am), with sudden interest. I love that show and I've got to admit sometimes I felt smug sitting there watching couples reveal their embarrassing financial goof-ups. But this smugness was also stupid because my hubby was almost totally responsible for our financial position while I rode along oblivious.

Over the months the money lessons started to sink in. Meanwhile we were in the habit of not having anything you could call a budget. I thought, hey we eat breakfast out at A&W on coupons from the flyer, so look at us! We are money-savvy! This past Christmas we went nuts and spent like there was no tomorrow. As we were stuffing bags of stuff into the car trunk yet again something struck me. It's too much. That thought continued to needle me so I went through our statements and made up lists of fixed and variable expenses for the past year. This doesn’t come from my head by the way. I didn't even know what fixed and variable expenses were until I started watching Gail Vaz-Oxlade's excellent show. Once I finished I threw up in my mouth a little and shared the information with hubby who did the same thing. Then we set up an expense binder just like the show. By the way, you can get all the information you need, and worksheets, at her equally excellent website gailvazoxlade.com, which I just discovered. I started reading her blogs too. I would characterize her as Canada's den mother of personal finance.

I look back on the past few years and feel a bit of a twinge: A lot of money got spent and I can't honestly say we've got much to show for it. Yes, we have managed to stay in the black for these past years but how much of that money could have gone to a better retirement? And what about a sudden disaster? I pondered this: Bills from various stores for the most part reflect a blur of semi-conscious afternoons getting out of the house and shopping – a leisure activity that has become a mixture of bad habit, a poor choice of therapy, a reflection of a lack of creativity in life, and ultimately a big fat time and energy waster. Where the hell was this mindfulness I've been cultivating?! And why wasn't one coffee date, one lunch and one shopping trip for groceries/necessities per week together enough? I noticed spending occurred almost every day of the week – shameful!

We've been doing things the "new" way for just one week now – recording every expense and thinking first before saying to ourselves, oh just let's just buy it - and I've already noticed some interesting things. First, we've got all this time! We are reading more, talking more, having more "kitchen parties." There is time for board games and video games and even for going through other things and taking stock. There is a sense of a load off because now I'm starting to know what's going on with the money. I took over bill-paying too – a big step for an airhead! If I keep up with this I can give hubby a load off too.

Second, all of the sudden we are coming up with new creative ways to cut spending or to spend better. Hubby's been coming up with new ones everyday. It's actually dare I say it kind of fun. The automaton thing is dropping away. Before this, I told hubby we need to buy a new mailbox because the "old" one's newspaper holder thingie is all rusty. By not rushing to the store I had time to mull over it a little. Hmm, I can take it off and spray it a new colour in the spring, and it will be fun! I've written a few articles on this site about being kind to and respecting Mother Nature. Now Captain Obvious whacks me firm on the noggin: shopping wisely and consuming less is a huge boost to the environment.

Third, we are starting to getting away from the TV with its advertising and its shows that tell us what we are supposed to be wanting and buying. That advertising is starting to look like a lot of hard-nosed sophisticated manipulation. We don't actually have to be rats on this treadmill. This could be the start of a dangerously good way of life . . .

Zen For Scientific (and all) Explorers

Regularly, a person has to stop and sit back and let the mind rest. You may be a scientific explorer yourself. Perhaps you are a researcher, a student or you are in another kind of field altogether, and following science is a hobby for you. Whatever occupies your time, however you make your living, you need to regularly take a break. This is a time for mental quiet, mind wandering, and sometimes big-picture thinking. Mostly, it is time for our minds to transcend where they are and go into fresh new space. This is how I understand Zen.

I am taking a Zen break right now. I have a new series of articles, called the Fractal Universe, ready for you and I think you will like them. They were probably my most fun yet. I've let them sit while I enjoy Christmas with family and friends and now they sit while I do other things, and rest.

Zen, to me, has two parts: first you observe your mind, your thoughts, as you go about your day and dream at night. Second, you quiet your mind. You let the thoughts take a back seat for a few minutes here and there. You will find, if you are a curious always-scheming-up-something kind of mind, this won't be easy. Try it right now.

Just feel your chest move and listen to your breathing without thinking about anything. Before you know it, your mind has gone down some tangent. What am I cooking for supper maybe, or did I pay that power bill? That's okay. Observe that you are thinking again and bring it back to breathing. This is all you do but it's very hard! If your mind is like mine, you will discover it is extremely sneaky. Again you are thinking about something before you've even shut the door on the thought that came before it. It is like herding cats but that's all that Zen meditation is, just doing that. You will find anger, frustration, sadness, and all other emotions pop up on you. Observe that you are holding your breath. Breathe. Treat them all as water moving past you and let each one go.

Soon, you get into the habit of observing your thoughts, asking yourself why something or another is so important to you, for example, or why that person or another always pushes your buttons. When you observe, you start to weed out the not so important from the important in your life.

You will start to re-evaluate your priorities in your life. Your new priorities might look very different from what you think they should be, and this process might make you feel off-balance. It takes time, years (I'm not even close to done). You are moving toward a life that uniquely your own, lived for you, and authentic. And, ironically, you may eventually find the part your own start to dissolve away. You glimpse the world, all the people in your life, all the living beings and objects, everything, as being less "out there somewhere" and more right here all at the same time inside you. This is where you start to go with Zen.

Why do I write this blog?

I have some scientific background but not in physics. Why does it lure in me in so strongly? I honestly can't tell you. I didn't have this kind of curiosity when I was younger, in university, but I have great passion for it now, and that development seems to be leaking out. For Christmas my daughter, a jewelry designer, made me a beautiful necklace with all the planets on it and she had a bracelet made for me, of the Milky Way.

I find myself incredibly lucky to have the time to pursue this, thanks to a very understanding husband, and that fact that my only child is now grown up, married and doing great on her own. I have time because I am, more than anything simply a housewife. I cook most of the meals, clean house, do laundry, garden. I contribute a little bit financially by working at the garden centre in the local Walmart in spring and I do link-checking for a contract with our small company, ScienceMan Consulting. I find a quiet kind pleasure in the repetitive nature of doing these everyday things. I also read all kinds of genres, work out at the gym, travel when I can, play with the two cats, and I like to spend time talking, sometimes with a wine, beer or rum and coke. My life is about as typical as it gets. But for me, and I have thought about this, it's a good well-grounded, nourishing and full life - one which I am grateful to have.

And yet I also have this passion for physics. Why? Who knows. I make almost nothing from the ads on the blog and I have spent many, many hours reading, writing, thinking. Why? My only answer is a big-picture one. My life is short. If I'm lucky I've got maybe 80 years of good quality time existing in this amazing universe. When I look back on my life, I am comfortable that I will be okay with having spent a good chunk of it studying what this place is all about. The search itself is enough for me but the fruits of it continue to be entirely unexpected. All the questions brilliant people ask, the puzzles, the game of it all, and the maddening/stunning fact that we are all INSIDE this game - these things are alive and colourful and ever-changing in my mind. It's much more of an adventure that I could have ever imagined!

Now why do I drag you along by writing about it? Because I hope I am reminding you that you are on your own fascinating journey too. Every one of us is an intrepid explorer of our own life. Whether your passion is science or something else, we are explorers of our lives one way or another. Follow your own unique passion and see what you find. We are all playing this big crazy game together.